Dear Senior Opupulepu,
I am wondering whether this letter will reach you since Ogyakrom is under a type of the Siege of Jericho ever since Colombia Virus aka Wofa Die-Die, aka Kobby Nanti, decided to relax small in our village things have not become normal.
Anyway, Senior, sorry for not greeting you earlier, you see, we are not in business as usual, as in the normalisation of our usual conduct of life in the village has become abnormal. So Senior, how are you do? As for me and my family, we are not sure whether we are do fine.
Senior, there is an adage from the times before our ancestors were born that “Exhibit to me, your friend, and I will direct to you, your character.” This means that since birds of the same feathers confuse their owner, sorry, flock together, your friend will point out to all and sundry, sundry and all, your main characteristics.
Senior, ever since Togbui Xornametor, Togbui Peace-Perfect-Peace, Captain Chaos, Togbui Amekedziavu and all other a.k.as started playing gutter-to-gutter with our Omanhene, Nana Owuobiayeowu, I knew, sooner than sooner, something bad will behold the land.
Senior, I am not refer-referring to the arrival of Kobby Nanti, No, even as when this Wofa Die-Die itinerate guy appeared and the one we all rely on, Nana Onsurowu, look him in the face and backslided to the back. I am refer-referring to the days and nights when Togbui appointed himself as the lord of our lands and made sure that we have to sleep-sleep before the street lights came on in the evening, and wake-waking up after the first rays of the morning sun entered our rooms through our windows.
Senior, those were the times when some people’s bedrooms were surprised to see them in bed that early. Togbui Xornametor took us all like his flock of sheep and made sure that we slept under lock and key to keep the wolves away. Togbui decided to care not for many but for a few, who could move freely around at any time. That is why that period is called care-for-few or care-few for short.
Senior, those care-few days were not the best for many. There were people who were allergic to staying at one place for a long time, but they were forced to. Either they agreed to be indoors or they would feel how a horse felt when the jockey used a whip on it, or they would know what came out from the barrel of the gun.
Senior, those were the days that if you don’t know, and you really don’t know, and you don’t know and you stepped out of line there, those of the Kpakpo Shito clan will say calmly to you that “you will see the distance between both ends of your pioto’s rope.” Those from the Chapi-Chapi clan will tell you that “you will see puppy dog im face inside,” and as for the Brag-Bragging clan, they will tell you that “you will know the month inside that they take to plant corn.”
Senior, whether it is a matter of the rope inside your pioto, as in dross, as in supporter (not Man U supporter), as in pants, or the puppy dog’s face or the season for planting maize, one dare not misbehave during the days when Togbui Xornametor was like the no-nonsense farmer who locks up all his animals on the farm at night and holds fast to the keys.
Senior, those were the worst moments in the hearts of many, especially the akupas, because there was no geographical location where they could lure the daughters of Eve and recite that famous poem in their ears, “Your father is not here, your mother is not here.”
Senior, ever since we declared our independence again from the last Obroni Governor and agreed only on one thing – that we shall agree to disagree with each other, we all thought we shall never go into such lock-lock again. After all, we have our rights and some “I-Put-It-To-You” practitioners who have no sensible thing to do will argue in court for and against any lock-lock for decades without end, Amen. Meanwhile, the bored judge with artificial grey hair over his natural bald head will preside over the two combatants, each not understand why the other does not understanding him, and continue to look bored throughout the ages. Yes, we have our rights now, so who born dog to have we locked up again.
Senior, then something started doing my inside when I saw how Nana Onsurowuo starting making paddies with his many times Archenemy No.1, Togbui Amekaedziavu, aka Captain Chaos, aka My Daughter’s Somethings Are Beautiful. You see, my worry and fear is when an innocent child makes friends-friends with an incorrigible child, the tendency turns to intention that this innocent child will sooner than sooner start learning some bad tricks.
Senior, it came to past that Colonial Virus, aka Wofa Die-Die, aka Kobby Nanti arrived in the village uninvited and decided to stay whether we accept him or not. When our only hope, Nana Onsurowuo, whom we all rely on, looked Wofa Die-Die in the eyes and went back-sliding away for cover, we knew we were doomed.
But, Senior, we never knew that the worst was yet to come until Nana formally introduced to us his true friend as Togbui Xornametor.. And then he brought out the same characteristics known about Togbui. He, too, was going to lock us up like we are sheep and goats locked in their pen at night. As for Nana’s lockdown, it is more severe than Togbui’s, in fact, it is the mutation of Togbui’s care-few. It was not six-six but X times (24 hours x 7 days), where X equals the number of weeks to be decided by Nana after consultations with Togbui Xornametor.
Senior, with this locking-locking there is no half time. Now, what has vexed some of the akupas is that unlike Togbui who issued an order with immediate effect, Nana gave a moratorium period of almost half a quarter of one moon. This is the akupas’ problems. They were with their side baby fowls when Nana made that statement, and so by the time it was to be implemented, they will have no excuse whatsoever to be found loitering around these daughters of Eve minutes to the time that the order was to come into force. But if Nana had issued this order the way Togbui used to do, once they were with these ladies, they will have good reasons to become co-tenants and live together happily ever after, unless Kobby Nanti decides to go back home.
Senior, one advantage of this locking-locking is that in the case of house-bands and wives, the vow of “until die-die do us part,” has become very much implemented in all walks of marital lives. House-bands who choose to avoid their wives are now forced to stare them in the face, and wives who wish to be left alone are now re-living the days when they used to respond with excitement… “I love you, too.” Children who have never seen their both parents together are now wondering what brought about all this; what miracle ever happened.
Senior, things are happening, but, as for me, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect The Chronicle’s editorial stance.
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