Gifts, deception and the illusion of love and loyalty: A valentine’s season reflection

By Dr. Emmanuel Acquah-Sam

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it is easy to be dazzled by flowers, chocolates, apparels, footwears, and invitation to grand parties. Yet history and scripture repeatedly remind us that gifts, gestures, and outward displays of affection do not always reflect genuine love, loyalty, or intention.

Considering Robert Greene’s story of the Duke Wu of Shen under Law 12 of  The 48 Laws of Power, where he married his daughter to a young ruler of the Kingdom of Hu and showered him with gifts, building trust and creating the appearance of loyalty.

He showered the young ruler with gifts, favor, and flattery over time, disarming suspicion and making the young king feel secure. Once the young king had been lulled into complacency and grew overconfident in the alliance, Duke Wu gathered his generals and prepared to attack, revealing his true intentions. The young ruler was completely blindsided because the earlier generosity and apparent loyalty had masked Duke Wu’s ambitions. Generosity had been a weapon, blinding the recipient to potential danger. This demonstrates that the heart behind the gift matters far more than the gift itself.

Scripture provides parallel lessons. Michal, daughter of Saul and wife of King David, outwardly fulfilled marital duties, preparing food and sharing intimacy, yet inwardly contempt marked her heart (2 Samuel 6:20). Similarly, Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus with a kiss, a gesture of friendship and loyalty that masked treachery and betrayal (Matthew 26:48–49). These examples remind us that even actions that appear affectionate or compliant can conceal hidden motives.

At the same time, scripture shows the power of authentic love expressed through gifts and devotion. Mary Magdalene poured out the most expensive perfume on Jesus, an act of deep devotion that transcended social expectation or material calculation (Mark 14:3–9). Her gift reflected a heart fully committed, an example of love and loyalty expressed in action, not in appearances alone. These lessons converge on a timeless truth: external displays alone – gifts, flattery, or intimacy – can mislead us.

They may hide ulterior motives, mask true feelings, or create false trust. True love, loyalty, and connection require discernment, alignment between heart and action, and genuine integrity. In modern life, the principle is equally relevant. A friend who constantly showers you with favours but never stands by you in adversity, a romantic partner who buys gifts but never respects your boundaries, or a colleague who flatters to gain advantage – these are all contemporary reflections of the same timeless patterns. Conversely, small, consistent acts of support, honesty, and selfless care often reveal true character far more clearly than lavish gestures ever could.

Scripture repeatedly warns that the human heart is naturally flawed and prone to deception. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked,” highlighting the hidden motives and treachery that can lurk behind outward appearances. Proverbs 21:2 underscores that “all a person’s ways seem right to them, but the Lord weighs the heart,” showing that what looks sincere externally may mask selfish or harmful intent.

Likewise, Proverbs 28:26 cautions, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered,” emphasizing the need for discernment and reliance on divine guidance rather than mere human judgment. Together, these verses reinforce the timeless lesson that gifts, flattery, and gestures alone cannot reveal true loyalty or love; only a heart aligned with God’s wisdom can be trusted.

Ultimately, remember that true love originates from God through His Son, Jesus Christ. John 3:16–18 reminds us that God’s love is perfect, sacrificial, and unconditional: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” Love that mirrors this divine example is selfless, unwavering, and genuine, unlike superficial gifts or appearances.

This Valentine’s season, let us pause and reflect on the real meaning of love. May we not let chocolates, roses, or grand gestures blind us into assuming sincerity or love. Evaluate the heart behind the gift, seek authenticity, and embrace the kind of love that comes from God – enduring, selfless, and true.

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