“A bird that flies off the earth and lands on an anthill is still on the ground.” – Igbo proverb
Too often, too many among us assume we can and should control events. All around us, from our politicking to the management of our businesses, we are so into ourselves we fail to realise our sense of control is illusory. We think we are in control of what we do when in reality we are not. And this is in spite of the fact that research after research has demonstrated and educated us that outside our individual selves, we do not have control over others or over events. So, why do we live with what psychologists term the ‘illusion of control?’
There is an old saying that goes: “if you want to make God laugh, make a plan”. A case in point is the disorderliness we are presently witnessing in the world. Almost all of us made wonderful plans for this year – and yet here we are, struggling to cope with the pandemic around us. How many of us factored-in a possibility our lives would be disrupted this year? Almost no one did. Maybe God is having a laugh about the illusion we have about our abilities and prowess. That reality is we do not know what tomorrow will bring, much less control it. Interestingly, because we have been nurtured to make plans and set goals, and then develop activities and actions that will lead to the achievement of our goals, we assume we can actually control events.
We have to accept that our need to be in control actually reflects our aspiration to be masters of our destinies – which is an illusion in the first place. Once we cannot control the forces of nature, we cannot realistically control our destiny. If you cannot prevent an earthquake and the extent of its damage, how can you boast you are in control of your destiny?
Living is a complex phenomenon, yet we assume we can control the environment in such a way as to grant us control over what happens next. And these attempts can be witnessed in the ways our leaders in politics, in business and in our social circles strive to manipulate individuals to act in particular ways. Their actions are really funny, for the individual is so complex few among us have an understanding of who we are and which of the many motivations and whims and habits actually make us do what we do.
Maybe the perception that we have been given dominion over life makes us assume we can really control it. In reality, we cannot. Yes, it is true we have the ability to imagine and the skill to work together to ensure we shape how an aspect of life can be influenced and changed. But we wallow too deeply in this strength – so much so we do not want to accept that our efforts, no matter their brilliance, is just a drop in the ocean and cannot effectively change the salinity of the waters. And if we cannot control the environment, our experiments will generate results we cannot anticipate. Maybe we are scared or want to avoid the discomfort that comes with acknowledging we are not in control. It creates a feeling that we are not being productive. To prevent this feeling, many of us actually create an illusion of control for ourselves in order to feel better about what we do and do not do.
Many of us fear being controlled by others, yet we come up with plans and strategies that demand individuals and events to behave and unfold in prescribed ways. It is quite ironic, but that is the trend of our time. We scream about the right to live as an individual, but we are quick to prescribe how others should live. But do we actually know how those individuals for example would feel acting the ways we want them to? Will our suggestions optimise their flourishing? What we do not realise with our desire for control is the damage we do to diversity and to ourselves.
When you crave control, you panic when circumstances change. This is the cause of the fear presently raging round the world. We are rigid in our thoughts, words and actions – so much so our security is hinged on a system that is more ritualistic than religion could ever be. We are so ritual at being physically present at work, we feel unproductive working from home.
Globally, quite a number of employees are making claims that they have been more creative by working remotely. Even though this might be an early conclusion, it gives us reason not to desperately desire the world to go back to how it was before outbreak of the pandemic.
Living is a wonderful concept, and we need to be flexible to truly enjoy it. We need to be adventurous instead of being trapped in the illusion that controlling events and those around us generates better outcomes. We are not robots. We are humans and we have a duty to live, and live well. One of the ways to achieve that is to let go of our desire to control. We need to appreciate that the challenges around us are invitations to bring out the best in ourselves. In other words, minimising our desire to control outcomes energises us to appreciate the moment while putting our abilities to their best use.
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Kodwo Brumpon is an author, a life coach and a philanthropist who inspires individuals, groups and organisations to think and feel that which is true by helping them positively respond to that which is beautiful whilst nudging them to let goodness govern their actions.
Comments, suggestions and requests should be sent to him at [email protected]
The post The Attitude Lounge with Kodwo Brumpon – Control is illusory appeared first on The Business & Financial Times.
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