Dear Senior Opupulepu,
I greet you and your family, how do? As for me it is not a moment to do fine at all. So me and my family are not do fine.
Senior, you do remember when Kobby Nanti stowed away into this village and people decided to ask our Omanhene, the Great Leopard Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo, because when it comes to Wofa Owuo or Die-Die for short, Nana could make Hausa kokoo out of him?
Senior, we all know Nana to be someone who could stare Die-Die in the face and Death would run away. But not in the case of Kobby Nanti, because when Nana Onsurowuo stared him in the face, he returned the gesture with an opposite and equal reaction. For the first time ever since they take to born him, Nana looked Die-Die in the eyes and he back slided.
Senior, when Nana came to speak at the village square about Kobby Nanti, he warned all and sundry, sundry and all, to be very, very, very careful that they do not make paddies with this unwanted, uninvited and unaccepted, yet unsackable, visitor in our middle, sorry mist, sorry mix, no sorry midst.
Senior, as you are aware, the okada of the village is “laws are meant to be broken,” for ever since the village was founded and established, no law has been obeyed, and that resulted even in the early infant age of skuul children, they start thief-thiefing friends’ gums, erasers, pencils and wapi. When they graduate small in skuu,l they start thief-thiefing one another’s girlfriends and boyfriends which we can call human-trafficking and the law could not do them foko.
Senior, as for money, not that people thief it, but rather, money, himself feeling bored sitting at one place, can just get up and relocate into someone’s pocket, handbag, and lately into another person’s bank accounts. Unfortunately, because the very archaic, ancient and pre-historic syllabus that is used to train the professional thief slappers and our friends who are learned, but choose to become bar boys and girls, I mean the I-Put-It-To-You people, and even those ancient ones who prefer to sit on benches instead of on stools or chairs, once money relocates without the previous landlord’s knowledge and/or permission or both, they categorise, classify and clarify this under thief-thiefing.
Senior, and as it is, justice is never served in court, because during the whole trial, no one calls money to the witness stand to state whether he was relocated or he himself relocated. The owner of the arrival lounge where the money was found gets into trouble.
Senior, so as you know already, against the commands and laws of the Omanhene, some two people quickly enrolled to be followers of Kobby Nanti, just as Andrew and Petro the Rock were the first two to follow-follow Yesu Christus Emmanuel. One moon later, about five hundred people got up and follow-follow Kobby Nanti, forming the Kobby Nanti Fan Club. Another moon later, all the five thousand men who were fed five balls of Fanti kenkey and two Keta School Boys, or was it Chorkor Rascals, by Yesu Christus, voluntarily joined this banned fan club.
Senior, as we speak, the uncounted women and children who were also fed these same five balls of Fanti kenkey and two Keta School Boys/Chorkor Rascals also started joining this outlawed fan club.
Senior, all these while, the professionalism of our law makers and law imposers was never in doubt, as no name dropped that fitted or resembled that of a thief slapper, or an I-Put-To-You person, an ancient one who prefers benches to stools and chairs. I thought that was good news, until I heard this very shocking news.
Senior, you know our Municipal Police, I mean, those people who sing a certain cacophonic chorus, like “Ye-Ye!” Senior, I am told and forced to understand that their job which the lampoo payers pay them for, is to make and unmake laws for our village, Ogyakrom.
But, Senior, just like the Pharisees of Yesu Christus Emmanuel’s days, these Municipal Police have also adopted the same approach of “Do-As-I-Say, Not-As-I-Do.” A day or so ago, the investigative/testing officers of Ogyakrom were invited by the Chief Okyeame of the Municipal Police to come and investigate whether any of his subjects is a member of the Kobby Nanti Fan Club. He was seeing some shadow-shadow behaviours within the chamber-pot, sorry, chamber-court.
Senior, the investigation was not yet completed, when it came to the notification of all and sundry, sundry and all, that two people had already volunteered and joined the Kobby Nanti Fan Club, and indications are that more will be found out.
Senior, my problem here is that our Omanhene, the Great Leopard, with divine wisdom, or let us just say, wisdom from above, decided to take the decision to make sure that there should be a new track event called socialist-long-distancing, where each human or animal must not be within two kilometres close to the other species. Then there is a complete ban on Adjabeng, kpanshimor, djaama and any event that could eventually gather people around like they did when Yesu Christus Emmanuel fed those five thousand men with five balls of Fanti kenkey and two Keta School Boys/Chorkor Rascals.
Senior, the Omanhene went on to advise that when one has no business doing in town, one must stay at home and look only at his or her spouse and realise, after all, that they are exceedingly beautiful and handsome, both put together. And also when one has to go to town by fire, by force, he or she must cover their faces like how armed robbers do when doing operation, otherwise, their beauty and handsomeness might lure the opposite sex to cross that socialist-long-distancing barrier to meet them for exchange of contacts and getting to know both the inside and outside of each other.
Senior, since you are wiser than wisdom, even though sometimes you do not act like that, can you explain to my understandingment how come the Municipal Police people decided to break the laws? What were they doing in people’s kitchen looking into pots of soup on the fire to find out how many crabs and snails are in the soup? What were they doing getting close to the opposite sex to find out whether they are fair or foul, foul or fair? How many fair daughters of Eve have they affected, infested and/or invested with the odour of Kobby Nanti?
Senior, the fear I am fearing is that they also began with two apostles going to join the Kobby Nanti Fan Club, if, should in case, they decide to follow the same pattern or design or both, sooner than soon, five hundred Municipal police will join, followed by five thousand more males, not counting the women and children.
Senior, are we safe? Because these Municipal police are licensed to go from every house to house in this village, and so they can come even to your bedroom with the odour of Kobby Nanti.
In fact, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
It’s Me!
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect The Chronicle’s editorial stance
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (94) Kobby Nanti and our Municipal Police appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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